Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Tired of feeling...

I'm really kinda tired of feeling like I don't do anything well. There has to be something I can do that I'm really good at, except feeling like I don't fit anywhere. I'm fairly talented in that regard. I had a quality review come back from Friday. 3 errors... What that means is that they check 7 or 8 random documents (from one batch) and every document that has an error is counted against you. You could have 7 errors on one document, and it's one error. You can have 7 errors on 7 documents and it's 7 errors. You are theoretically supposed to get reviewed on 30 documents per pay period (7,8,7,8.) The last couple of weeks, I can't seem to get any sort of a good rate. I've only had one 100%. To be fully successful, we are supposed to be higher than 90%. I'm really struggling on this, and I have no idea why or what to do about it. I just feel like I can't do anything well, I can't quit (and I hate the thought of being a quitter) and I have no idea what else I can do.

I'm a bit nervous about my annual evaluation this year. Every year I've been fully successful, although last year, it wasn't by a lot in the quality department. I'm afraid my last couple of weeks will mean I'm not. It's unlikely I'll be fired, that practically takes an act of God where I work... that or criminal activity. But it does mean I will be even more trapped. It does affect my recall/release number, not that I am overly concerned about that most of the time (my job is seasonal.)

I was at work on Friday, I think, and I ran into someone I hadn't talked to in a while. So funny that we both feel exactly the same about work. Neither one of us is happy where we are. Neither one of us saw any thing else we wanted to do there.
But to go elsewhere would probably mean a significantly lower wage, benefits and less schedule flexibility. So we both at the same time said we felt trapped.

I think there was a certain release at that moment we both said that. I'd been thinking it a while. Now I still have no idea what to do about it. But there you have it. I admire people who can do what they love and survive doing it.

Even more I admire people that can put God first. I don't always do that so well, either. It's a good thing that the grace of God exists. There's no way I'd make it otherwise.

Anyway, prayers always welcome.


Nattaya :) said...

Sometimes I also feel so.
It's empty .

Think how in every single day of our lives, we meet these decisions that lead to confusion out of not knowing which is right or wrong.

but we learn from einstein's theory of relativity that our lives are very very short. Think about our lives and how fast it passes, and every lost chance is a closed corridor to somewhere we will never know.

believe in what we're doing
hang in there
nattaya ;p

Andrea said...

well just today one of my prayers was answered and I deffly do not put God first. I hate myself for that. but god is really awesome and iknow he should and will take care of you. i will deffly pray for you too! hang in there mel!

Anonymous said...

amen to all that

(oh and to pause RK, click on the neck chain my little dude's wearing, the medallion has a pause sign on it-- and it took me a while to figure that out haha)