Thursday, December 21, 2006

Children's games, first revision

Children's games

Now You see me, now You don't
I cover my eyes and I disappear
One eye peeking through my fingertips
Are You there?

I touch You and run away
I can feel the distance growing
Are You there?
You chase after me
Why do I run so hard? What am I afraid of?

Now I'm looking for a place to hide
searching, searching
But where can I go?
I'm spending too much time in the shadows
But You can see me all along
Like a father waiting patiently for his child to come to him.

I tug on the rope with all my might
I pull too hard and my hands hurt
I let go too soon and I fall
Am I too bold or not bold enough?

Like a child I tiptoe across the railings
Afraid of listing to one side or the other lest I should fall
Who will be there to catch me?

Am I playing spiritual games?
Do I try too hard, or is the problem that it's me doing the trying?
The center of my universe is crumbling.

Tell me how to grow up.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

I'm still not sure what I think of this. My writing skills are rusty. But something made me think of this. I'm not sure if it's finished or not and even less certain if it has any value, but it's a pretty good description of where I oft times find myself just the same.

Children's games

Am I playing a spiritual game of peek a boo?
Now you see me, now you don't
Have I really affected anyone for you, God?
Am I too bold, or not bold enough
Am I trying too little, or am I trying too hard
Or is the problem that it's me doing the trying?

Or maybe it's tag. I touch you and run away
You chase after me
Why do I run so hard? What am I afraid of?

Oh now it's hide and seek I play
But where can I go to hide?
I'm spending too much time in the shadow
But you can see me all alongLike a father waiting patiently for his child to come to him.

Tell me how to grow up.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Feeling Down

Sometimes I let little things get me down. Most of the time the little things turn out to be much ado about nothing. One of the things that tends to get me down the most is being misunderstood, especially if that misunderstanding causes someone else aggravation or dismay.

Sometimes I think this happens a little more online than in general conversation, because it's easy to misread a response or lack of response . I know one time I asked someone if they were mad at me because he seemed kinda not happy and then something happened online coincidentally not long after I posted. I thought maybe I had done something. Then I asked him if he was upset with me, and he thought it was because he hadn't returned an e-mail.
I guess it was kind of silly on my part. Sometimes online you just can't pick up the phone and get it settled. In that case it leaves me unsettled and a little down.

Just like last time, it's probably coincidental. I shouldn't fret over it, but I do.

Now that I've probably confused just about everyone reading this blog (or maybe there is no one reading to confuse), perhaps I should try hard not to dwell on this and catch some zzzzzzzzzzzzz's. After all it's 7:39 a.m. and I haven't slept yet. That probably isn't helping, either.

Off to dream of better things, I hope.


Sunday, December 10, 2006

In my earlier blog I posted that tonight would be the night to get the Christmas season in gear for me as I had a row 2 seat to see Trans-Siberian Orchestra. I was not disappointed. In fact, I could only think of one word (and those that know me know that I can be very wordy) and that word was AMAZING! Al promised last year that they would be back again this year with more lights, and he was true to his word. The light show is worth the price of admission alone. However, the music is absolutely astounding. I was able to get to the venue early enough to strike up a few conversations. The guy behind me wanted to hear Wizards in Winter as it is a favorite of his. I had to admit it is a favorite of mine as well. The very first song to open the show was Wizards in Winter. I just looked at him and said, "there ya go." LOL The storyline that runs through the first half of the concert was not much changed, if at all. However, there was less of a "classical feel" this time and more emphasis on the rock. There were a few changes to the cast this year with new female vocalists, the addition of Kelly Keeling and Mad Max (both outstanding vocalists) and a new keyboard player who was completely and unbelievably -- well -- amazing! Anna Phoebe, the electric violinist with the futuristic looking pink violin was (surprise) amazing! In fact, they all were absolutely amazing from Bart's bum to Al's wonderful guitar work, the vocals, the keyboarding - especially the dualing keyboards at the end between Al's wife and the new guy, to the narration to the lights which you have to see to believe. And did I say I love Tommy Farese? :)
After the wonderful show, I bought a few cd's and took my concert program to the autograph line and waited for quite a while. I talked probably both ears off the gal behind me in line. Last year I kind of was scolded for taking to long and chatting.. especially to Angus, I believe. I mentioned this when I got to the end of the line and He just laughed and gave me two guitar pics. At one point Angus and Anna go to the back of the arena and play on a stage that elevates above the crowd. Last year he didn't look so comfortable up there. I was to the front, but a friend of mine mentioned it to me, so this year I watched for that carefully. I mentioned this to him and he really got a kick out of it, or at least he seemed to.
Oh, and during the show, Al said that if you took Alice Cooper and Al Pacino and smacked them together you'd get this -- and then he motioned to Tommy. It was pretty funny because there could be an element of truth in that somewhere. So, I just thought of that program where you upload a pic and it matches your face to celebreties. I wonder if either of those would come up if Tommy uploaded a pic? I mentioned this to him, actually. Yes, I'm getting bold. LOL
Anyway, for me autographs are secondary. They are a way to tell the cast/band of TSO just how wonderful I thought the show was and to connect to the artists a little. I loved every minute - as brief as it was. And, as it happens, I will cherish my autographed program.

At the risk of sounding redundant, I still say, if you have never experienced TSO, then I highly recommend that you remedy that situation post haste.

They will be in Vegas tonight, and then from there to Denver and Colorado Springs.


P.S. There are two different tour groups for TSO, one more to the east, one more to the West, but I hear both are equally amazing.

Saturday, December 09, 2006

The Christmas Season officially starts

I've had a hard time getting used to the idea that Christmas is just around the corner. I sort of caught a glimpse of it during the advent message at church last Sunday, but I just can't relate to the time of year yet. So.... I'm now all set to get out the Christmas music and I start the whole thing off with the Trans Siberian Orchestra concert tomorrow night. I'm really excited as this is the second time I will see TSO and I know what to expect. The music is amazing, the storyline sweet and the light show is just simply unbelievable. Last year we were promised even more lights this time around. I'm curious to see if that's even possible. LOL

If you've never listened to TSO, I highly recommend that you find some of their music and remedy that situation post haste!

Monday, December 04, 2006

I don't know if I'll do more with this or not. It probably needs some tweaking, if it isn't hopeless. LOL I haven't written anything remotely lyrical in some time, so this is my first stab at it in a while. The last thing I did that was even close to that was to rewrite the lyrics to Hey Jude to go with a Bible Study on Jude. It was sort of a joke and I sent it to the pastor. The next day they played it at church. I must have been ten shades of red. LOL Anyway, my new effort such as it is:

"Why am I so skeptical Is it because I've been burnt
Why am I so skeptical when you're the one that I have hurt
I wish the glass was crystal clear Instead Im here in this dark place
Could I even stand to see you Could I look into your face

I need to be broken But I am so afraid
I need to be broken
But it will take your work of grace
Why is it so hard to see you?
Is it because my eyes are blind?
Why is it so hard to feel you
It's not because you're hard to find
I wish that I could sense you near me
Instead I stumble through this dark place
Could I even stand to see you
Could I fall into your grace

I need to be broken
But I am so afraid
I need to be broken
But it will take your work of grace.

It's my own sin that separates me from the love you freely give."

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Theological issues and my viewpoint

I really had not intended to post about my faith and doctrines quite so much, but I was listening to my pastor speak this morning. The pastor was talking about hope, and hope that is real and not based on just wishful thinking. He mentioned the difficulty one translater had in translating the word for faith into a particular language. He did give the particular language and the name of the translator, and I suppose I should have had a pen handy to jot it down, but by the time I found a pen it had long passed.

At any rate, the translater settled on a word that means to lay one's whole weight upon something (or someone.) At that point my thoughts diverged a bit from the morning's sermon and the following hit me:

If we lay our whole weight on Christ, then Christ will take the whole weight of the load. Then he oft times will lay those things that we need to do something about back onto our hearts. We place our cares on him, and he shares with us. It's a sort of a communication. In other words, it is a relationship. I think that is what is missing in a lot of religion - this sort of relationship with our Lord and our Savior. I think he longs for that sort of relationship with us. We need it.

"I wanna be Your hands I wanna be Your feet I'll go where You send me I'll go where You send me I'll be Your hands I'll be Your feet I'll go where You send me I'll go where You send me And I try, yeah I tryTo touch the world like You touched my life An I'll find my way To be Your hands"

Taken from Hands & Feet, Audio Adrenaline, Underdog cd.

Anyway, there is a power in just wishful thinking or just hoping that something will happen even when it is not solidly based in reality. It is just so much more powerful when you can have faith - trust in something that is real. And the results can be astounding.

God's blessings,

The next blog will probably be about music. LOL

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Currently reading...

I have had the very great pleasure of belonging to Mark Lee's book club. For those that do not know, Mark Lee one of the guitarists in the band Third Day. The book club has been a godsend. I have a great love of books and reading, but of I had been having a difficult time finishing a book. I've been rather good at starting them all along. I'd almost quit reading, apart from articles and such online.

The very first book I tackled and completed was a rather easy to read but very profound book called "Praise Habit" by David Crowder.

Currently I am reading The Courage to Run by Jim Ryun. It is written in a daily devotional style. I did get a late start on the book as it took a while to find it and have it sent to me, so I am reading a number of days at a time. All that to say that I found a little bit of a gem on Day 15. The title of the inspirational piece is simply "Duty." Ryun writes of John Quincy Adams and how after losing his bid to be re-elected as president to Andrew Jackson , Mr. Adams went on to serve in Congress. Every day in Congress Adams delivered petitions calling for the abolition of slavery.

According to Ryun, "On day a newspaper reporter interviewed Adams. In the interview, the reporter asked if Adams ever grew discouraged in his battle against slavery. He looked at the reporter and simply said, "Duty is mine. The results are God's."

Sometimes we don't see the end result of what we are called to do. Adams never saw the end result or the abolition of slavery, but he did play a key role just the same. Somehow I find that thought quite encouraging.

Galations 6:9
Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.

2Th 3:13
But as for you, brethren, do not grow weary of doing good.

Heb 12:3
For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

My blogs will not always be so "devotionally" oriented. :) But this was on my heart today, so I thought I'd post this as a reminder to myself.

God's blessings,

Friday, December 01, 2006

Getting Started and a little about me

I am used to blogging on myspace, but somehow I feel a strange sense of not quite knowing how to start on a fresh "canvas" so to speak. How do I start to relate about the things important to me, and will anyone really care? :)

I used to good at writing, but I've gotten so out of practice that it doesn't come as easily as it once did. I am most at ease answering rather than initiating. I can give a good logical response to just about anything if I have an opinion about it; but for all of the logic, the less logical or ethos about me frequently wins out in real life. Oft times that is a good thing. Sometimes it's not. I like to try and keep things in balance. Balance is a good word for the most part. On the other hand, there are times when life probably calls for things to be a little out of balance. Knowing when is a little trickier. I'm still working on that one.

My schedule now would probably be known as an out of balance thing in my life right now. It's 4:48 a.m. and I have not gone to sleep yet. I guess it's not so unusual as I work until 1 a.m., but currently my days and nights are pretty much completely topsy turvey. Someone at work asked if I was a vampire jokingly. I had to laugh.

I guess what that means is that I should end my first blog and get some sleep. :)

But before I do, a little about me:
1. I am a Christian first, but unfortunately I have a long way to go before I truly reflect Christ.
Todd Agnew has a tee shirt out that says simply, "Be the Moon". The moon has no light of it's own and reflects the sun. The goal is to reflect it well.
2. I love music. I couldn't tell you why. I'm not a particularly gifted musician. I have a decent voice, but not always perfect pitch. Most people when they hear me sing will say I have a nice voice, but it's not consistent. Still -- I love to sing. BTW, I think that is the name of one of my favorite Copeland songs... well... sort of.
3. I like photography, but I still have a ways to go before I consider myself very good at it. I especially love taking photos at concerts. BTW, I still can enjoy the concert just fine while taking photos. So many people have told me it's kind of nice just to enjoy the concert sans cameras, but I find myself wishing I had a camera to capture that moment when it is not allowed. I like capturing moments. Sometimes I do it better than others.
4. I am an empty nester. My three children are grown. I love it that they are grown. I miss the days when they were little, but there is a whole world out there and life to live after your kids grow up.
5. I'm still not sure what I want to be when I grow up.

God's blessings and good night,