It was an interesting day today. First of all, I got to work in good time and was even a little early. I always love it when I don't feel so rushed coming in. I went to the table to get a form, got sidetracked, remembered that I didn't have the form yet, and turned around really fast. I clobbered the back of my hand really hard and I think I hit a nerve. I couldn't work my hand right for a sec. I am so very co-ordinated. I went and picked up some work and sat down at my dest and got started. I wasn't typing with a whole lot more co-ordination than when I got the form. It seems like it took me forever, and we are on measured production. But I finally went on to the next batch of work. I got my Quality Review back from last week. There are supposed to be 4, but for some reason there was only one, and it wasn't good. My emotions went into a tail spin. Sometimes I let this stuff get me very down. Sometimes I don't feel like I'm really very good at anything, so my thoughts started travelling in that direction. It can only go downhill from there. I took break just a little early and started reading the book, "The Secret Message of Jesus" by Brian D. McLaren. I managed to get to about page 10. When lunch break came around, I spent a few minutes writing down my thoughts, and I will share them here:
I have to admit to being just a litle uncomfortable with the idea that there is a "secret" message of Jesus. I came from a cult and one trait not uncommon to many cults is that there is secret, hidden information, some special revelation or that God's word is somehow not plain. In reality, I think that we are the ones that make things so mysterious by our own unwillingness to listen. It's not that I don't think that there are any mysteries of God, in fact, I believe that there are and Scripture mentions them. But am I wrong in my impression that Jesus revealed them rather than further muddied the waters? Not that we can, as finite human beings, completely grasp the infinite God of the universe, nor will we be able to really get Christ without at least accepting Him as real. How can one begin to understand God if he is only seen as a myth? I guess that would be starting with a faulty premise. And if God is only a myth, what would be the point anyway?
Still, when McClaren says, "A lot of people say, 'It doesn't matter what you believe, as long as you're sincere.' They're partly right: sincerity is a precious thing, and arguments about who has the correct beliefs have too often led to arrogance, ugly arguments, and even violence. But believing untrue things, however sincerely, can have its own unintended consequences", he really hit on something that I think needs to be said. What you believe matters not only in eternity, but in the here and now. It's somewhat providential I seem to be reading this now after struggling to express that very same thought to someone without being or seeming like I knew it all or was putting them down in anyway. McClaren has a wonderful way with words and with painting word pictures from the little I've read.
So far, I am not sure where this will all take me, but even if I find fault from here on out, at least it will be a challenge to dig deeper and maybe make some changes. And that can't be a bad thing. And for me, I think it's needed.
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